From Broken to Becoming: Because Pretending You're Fine Nearly Broke Me

A story about Rishikesh, loss, rebirth, and the fire that built The Wellness Portal.

In September 2019, I flew to India, alone, for my 200-hour yoga teacher training.

I was craving something I couldn’t even name at the time. 

I didn’t just want to learn yoga —I wanted to feel alive. I wanted to remember who I was, underneath all the layers I’d built trying to survive the “good life.” 

The job.

The structure.

The smile I wore like armour.

I landed in Rishikesh—the so-called yoga capital of the world—and instantly felt it: this place was messy, loud, dusty… and so unapologetically alive.

And I loved it.

The chaos. The monkeys jumping across the rooftops. 

The noise of the Ganga river. 

The intensity. 

The purity. 

The freedom.

We trained eight hours a day, six days a week. 

Our bodies were always sore. 

Our minds, though—our minds were finally free.

We bathed under waterfalls on our day off, giggling like kids. 

We cried in meditation. 

We journaled until our hands cramped. 

We witnessed each other rise, crack, fall, and rise again.

I was finally in my body. In my breath. In my truth.

And then, towards the end of the training—something unexpected happened.

After four years of trying to conceive… After fertility appointments and tears… 

After being booked in for IVF in October, just a month after returning home… 

I found out I was pregnant.

I was in shock. This had to be the miracle. It was everything I had prayed for. It felt like confirmation from the universe that this path—this new path—was meant for me.

I came home glowing. 

Full of love. 

Full of new life. 

Full of purpose.

And then, I started bleeding.

I will never forget that moment. My body was still exhausted from the physical intensity of the training. My heart was wide open. And in that raw, unprotected state… I lost my baby.

I was 9 and a half weeks in. But my heart was already a mother’s heart. And it shattered.

I was inconsolable.

No one talks about the after of the awakening. 

The darkness that can come right after the light. 

How cruel it can feel.

How confusing.

How devastating.

I felt like my body had betrayed me. 

Like the miracle had been ripped away before I could even fully hold it.

But somehow… yoga held me. 

Not the studio kind. 

Not the aesthetic kind.

The real, gritty, soul-saving yoga that reminds you— You can breathe through this. You are allowed to feel it all. You are not alone.

I cried in savasana more times than I can count. I learned to hold myself in ways no one ever taught me growing up. And slowly, breath by breath, I came back to life.

I didn’t want to go back to the way things were. The 9–5. The pretending. The people-pleasing. Life was too short to live in a box that wasn’t mine.

I made a vow to myself: I was going to build a life that felt real. That felt like me. That helped others remember themselves.

I wasn’t just a yoga teacher. I was a woman on a mission. A space-holder. A healer. A coach. I was here to help people feel damn good in their bodies and their lives again.

And then… life tested me again.

I was booked for my second round of IVF. But then COVID hit.

Everything stopped. Clinics closed. Plans paused.

But the yoga? It stayed, it blossomed.

Every single day, I rolled out my mat. I joined online practices with my Indian teacher Yaspal from Rishikesh. We met at 5am, just like we did back in India. 

And I fell in love with it all over again. 

The discipline.

The devotion.

The simplicity of just showing up.

Then came June. I was deep into my Ashtanga practice—88 sun salutations in. And suddenly, I felt sick. Like, really sick. You know it, sprint to toilet sick!

I knew.

I just knew.

Another miracle. Another chance.

This time, all was fine. This time, the universe whispered: You’re ready.

And I made another vow: I am not going back to a life I hate. I am here to do more. To impact lives. To create something that matters.

Because life is too bloody short to waste it pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

And so I began building.

✨ Retreats. 

✨ Community. 

✨ Deep healing spaces. 

✨ Coaching that actually supports the whole woman—not just her career, not just her body, but her spirit.

I built everything I had once needed myself. 

A space to soften. 

To fall apart. 

To rise in power. 

To feel safe in your own skin.

Fast forward four years…

My son is now four years old. He is my joy, my anchor, and my reminder that miracles happen— even after the darkest storms.

And I’m launching The Wellness Portal.

It’s more than a platform. It is more than YOGA. It’s the online version of what I’ve been creating for years in real life. A space for busy women & men —mums, creatives, dreamers, cycle-breakers—to reconnect to their truth and actually feel good.

It’s yoga, yes. But also cacao ceremonies, breathwork, meditations, and so much more.

It’s what I wish I had during the darkest days. What I wish existed when I was crying on the floor after my miscarriage. What I needed when I was juggling IVF, grief, and finding my purpose. What I craved when I felt like I had to be everything for everyone… but had no clue how to be there for myself.

The Wellness Portal is a doorway back to you.

And I’ve poured everything I’ve lived, learned, and led into it.

So if you’re still reading this, maybe you’ve felt it too…

That ache for more. That knowing that something inside you is calling louder. That exhaustion from holding it all together, all the damn time. That whisper that says: This life doesn’t fit me anymore.

I hear you. 

I see you. 

I am you.

And you don’t have to walk it alone.

Whether you’ve lost something… Or you’re finding something… Whether you’re in the middle of the mess, or on the edge of a breakthrough— You belong here.

Inside The Wellness Portal. Inside a community of people who are walking their truth. Inside a space where you don’t have to hide or fix or perform.

Just come as you are. And let’s rise together.

✨ Doors to The Wellness Portal open 16th April 2025. 

Join the waitlist today—[claim your YES].

This isn’t just a wellness app. 

It’s a revolution. 

A remembrance. 

A homecoming.

And I would be honoured to walk beside you.

With love, always— Lenka x